So, this one time I totally spent a whole summer vacation in the hospital, just to see what it was like. Not really. But I did manage to get a central line infection from a PICC line and actually did spend my summer vacation BEATING DEATH (you wish you could say that). Anyways, it was twelve (AWESOME!) days in the hospital which weren't actually that bad because I spent the whole time eating breakfast in bed and seeing like all my friends. We even had a whole Google+ event on it (hosted by the lovely Ted Eytan). We also had an awesome google hangout. Yeah, my friends are amazing.
You know that feeling when you get a 104 degree fever? Yeah. That feeling. But you don't have to wait in line at the ER so that's excellent. Plus, blood stream infections don't make you sick like flu sick, they're just a fever which doesn't actually feel that bad (Obviously you should trust the memory of the person who was shivering like it's Antartica, not in DC in June...).
And then you just spend a day bored out of your mind? But you did have some kinda awesome hallucinations. And you got to see your favorite suit who gave you a Little Mermaid pin.
And then they try you on Penicllin's cousin, Piper (which you're allergic to) and literally crawl on top of you to change out your PICC line dressing for (seemingly) the fun of it? But your friend totally brought you Kale AND an all organic-vegan milkshake which made your inner Berkeley dance.
And then they pull out your PICC line (not for the fun of it). But your friends bring you homemade strawberry jam and make you a sock puppet, so the nurse still calls you her "happy flower" and you know it's all going to be alright?
And then you start to make friends with your food and everyone decides that after day 5 you must be dying so they start sending you Bible verses and the timing kinda-sorta-freaks you out?
And then you (actually) start dying, but it ends up ok?
So you wake up and do a half crazed monologue on beeping alarms and then you totally sign off on a surgery without really knowing what you're getting into?
And then they play around in your neck (again, for the fun of it). But then you get to eat as many cherry popsicles as you want so it's awesome?
And then you can't get out of bed again, but your friends bring you Matzah Ball soup, so crisis averted.
And then you pass out? But you got new drugs, so you know it's all going to be winning.