11:00PM: Pass out. Smack head.
11:25PM: Pass out. Miss head.
12:00AM: Pass out. Get caught. (Rinse. Repeat. 5x. 12:30-1AM).
01:00AM: Get picked up and carried to bed. Have friend leave.
01:30AM: Have friends come back. And attempt to convince you to go to the hospital.
01:45AM: Call your friends in CA to convince your friends in DC that you don't have to go to the hospital.
04:00AM: Wake up. Go to bathroom. Pass out.
05:00AM-11:30AM: Exist in Twilight.
03:30PM: Have friend come back.
03:35PM: Have friend call his doctor friend in a thinly veiled attempt at convincing you to go to the hospital.
03:40PM: Know what he's doing and go to the hospital even though you don't think it's necessary.
04:00PM: Arrive at hospital. Have no idea what happens to the car.
04:03PM: Get escorted back to room.
04:05PM: Get hooked up to every machine.
04:10PM: Try to make deal that involves an abortion to avoid peeing in a bedpan.
04:15PM: Get stuck.
04:16PM: Get stuck. Have nurse give up.
04:30PM: Get stuck.
04:32PM: Get stuck. IV Success!
05:00PM: Make jokes about tweeting at Todd Park.
07:00PM: Almost get a CT scan. Almost pass out instead.
07:45PM: Lose talking privileges in re: work.
07:55PM: Lose talking privileges in re: everything.
08:00PM: Get CT scan.
08:10PM: Try to make deal to leave hospital.
08:15PM: Sit up to breathe. Get dizzy and nauseous. Almost pass out. Get caught. Be laid down.(Rinse. Repeat til 11PM).
11:00PM: Freak out.
11:02PM: Get told you’re being admitted.
11:03PM: Get morphine.
11:15PM: Agree to license the 3 M’s to a nonprofit.
11:16PM: Stereotypically outsource thinking to Indian friend.
11:17PM: Finally get that Morphine trumps Mind and Matter.
11:30PM: Get fed pringles and Gatorade. Think it’s the best thing ever.
11:45PM: Get moved to hall.
12:00AM: Fall out of wheelchair. Have friend pick you up put back into bed.
12:15AM: Get transported upstairs.
12:30AM: Get put into bed.
12:40AM: Have friends leave.
12:45AM: Get new telemetry devices and percocet.
02:00AM: Get morphine.
02:30AM: Fall asleep.
03:00AM: Get woken up by IV beeping.
03:15AM: Have nurse turn off IV noise.
03:20AM: Get woken up by IV beeping.
03:25AM: Hit IV buttons til they stop beeping.
04:00AM: IV starts beeping. Go into hallway and freak out over beeping. Almost pass out.
05:00AM: Get Ultram.
06:00AM: Get woken up for blood pressure.
07:00AM: Get woken up for blood draw.
08:00AM: Get woken up to talk to med student.
09:00AM: Get woken up by roommate’s doctors.
11:00AM: Get woken up by roommate’s visitors.
11:30AM: Have Drs and 15 med students round. Get told there’s nothing they can do.
12:00PM: Call nurse and go to bathroom.
12:05PM: Pass out. Not get caught by LVN you called. Hit head.
12:10PM: Get visited by nurse manager.
12:15PM: Puke. Start Shaking.
12:30PM: Have doctor come visit and tell nurse to give Zofran.
12:32PM: Have nurse refuse to give medication until the doctor physically writes it.
12:33PM: Have doctor promise to write script.
12:35PM: Get Zofran.
01:00PM: Get more Percocet.
02:00PM: Fall asleep.
02:30PM: Wake up because IV has blown and is leaking all over the place. Hit call button.
02:45PM: Get tired of waiting for nurse. Stop IV flow yourself.
02:50PM: Have nurse get mad because you made her replace her gloves before she replaced your IV.
02:55PM: Get stuck.
03:00PM: Get stuck. Have nurse give up and refuse to pull out infiltrated IV.
03:30PM: Have tech come to replace IV.
03:33PM: Get stuck.
03:35PM: Get stuck. It works.
04:30PM: Have nurse come back and reconnect IV. Remind them to pull out leaking IV.
05:00PM: Get dinner.
05:40PM: Ask for more Meds.
06:45PM: Get more meds.
07:30PM: Exist in twilight
08:30PM: Have friend show up with Happy Meal. <3.
08:45PM: Get discharged.
09:15PM: Pass Out.
09:20PM: Get tucked into your own bed.
09:30PM: Fall Asleep. Stay Asleep. Bliss.
11:00PM: Pass out. Smack head.