11:00PM: Pass out. Smack head.
11:25PM: Pass out. Miss head.
12:00AM: Pass out. Get caught. (Rinse. Repeat. 5x. 12:30-1AM).
01:00AM: Get picked up and carried to bed. Have friend leave.
01:30AM: Have friends come back. And attempt to convince you to go to the hospital.
01:45AM: Call your friends in CA to convince your friends in DC that you don't have to go to the hospital.
02:00AM: Sleep.
04:00AM: Wake up. Go to bathroom. Pass out.
05:00AM-11:30AM: Exist in Twilight.
03:30PM: Have friend come back.
03:35PM: Have friend call his doctor friend in a thinly veiled attempt at convincing you to go to the hospital.
03:40PM: Know what he's doing and go to the hospital even though you don't think it's necessary.
04:00PM: Arrive at hospital. Have no idea what happens to the car.
04:03PM: Get escorted back to room.
04:05PM: Get hooked up to every machine.
04:10PM: Try to make deal that involves an abortion to avoid peeing in a bedpan.
04:12PM: Fail.
04:15PM: Get stuck.
04:16PM: Get stuck. Have nurse give up.
04:30PM: Get stuck.
04:32PM: Get stuck. IV Success!
05:00PM: Make jokes about tweeting at Todd Park.
07:00PM: Almost get a CT scan. Almost pass out instead.
07:45PM: Lose talking privileges in re: work.
07:55PM: Lose talking privileges in re: everything.
08:00PM: Get CT scan.
08:10PM: Try to make deal to leave hospital.
08:12PM: Fail.
08:15PM: Sit up to breathe. Get dizzy and nauseous. Almost pass out. Get caught. Be laid down.(Rinse. Repeat til 11PM).
11:00PM: Freak out.
11:02PM: Get told you’re being admitted.
11:03PM: Get morphine.
11:15PM: Agree to license the 3 M’s to a nonprofit.
11:16PM: Stereotypically outsource thinking to Indian friend.
11:17PM: Finally get that Morphine trumps Mind and Matter.
11:30PM: Get fed pringles and Gatorade. Think it’s the best thing ever.
11:45PM: Get moved to hall.
12:00AM: Fall out of wheelchair. Have friend pick you up put back into bed.
12:15AM: Get transported upstairs.
12:30AM: Get put into bed.
12:40AM: Have friends leave.
12:45AM: Get new telemetry devices and percocet.
02:00AM: Get morphine.
02:30AM: Fall asleep.
03:00AM: Get woken up by IV beeping.
03:15AM: Have nurse turn off IV noise.
03:20AM: Get woken up by IV beeping.
03:25AM: Hit IV buttons til they stop beeping.
04:00AM: IV starts beeping. Go into hallway and freak out over beeping. Almost pass out.
05:00AM: Get Ultram.
05:30AM: Sleep.
06:00AM: Get woken up for blood pressure.
06:15AM: Sleep.
07:00AM: Get woken up for blood draw.
07:15AM: Sleep.
08:00AM: Get woken up to talk to med student.
08:15AM: Sleep.
09:00AM: Get woken up by roommate’s doctors.
09:15AM: Sleep.
11:00AM: Get woken up by roommate’s visitors.
11:30AM: Have Drs and 15 med students round. Get told there’s nothing they can do.
12:00PM: Call nurse and go to bathroom.
12:05PM: Pass out. Not get caught by LVN you called. Hit head.
12:10PM: Get visited by nurse manager.
12:15PM: Puke. Start Shaking.
12:30PM: Have doctor come visit and tell nurse to give Zofran.
12:32PM: Have nurse refuse to give medication until the doctor physically writes it.
12:33PM: Have doctor promise to write script.
12:35PM: Get Zofran.
01:00PM: Get more Percocet.
02:00PM: Fall asleep.
02:30PM: Wake up because IV has blown and is leaking all over the place. Hit call button.
02:45PM: Get tired of waiting for nurse. Stop IV flow yourself.
02:50PM: Have nurse get mad because you made her replace her gloves before she replaced your IV.
02:55PM: Get stuck.
03:00PM: Get stuck. Have nurse give up and refuse to pull out infiltrated IV.
03:30PM: Have tech come to replace IV.
03:33PM: Get stuck.
03:35PM: Get stuck. It works.
04:30PM: Have nurse come back and reconnect IV. Remind them to pull out leaking IV.
05:00PM: Get dinner.
05:30PM: Puke.
05:40PM: Ask for more Meds.
06:45PM: Get more meds.
07:30PM: Exist in twilight
08:30PM: Have friend show up with Happy Meal. <3.
08:45PM: Get discharged.
09:15PM: Pass Out.
09:20PM: Get tucked into your own bed.
09:30PM: Fall Asleep. Stay Asleep. Bliss.

Alice is the most wonderful mentee ever.

Alice is the most wonderful mentee ever.

What's wrong with this picture?

One of these things is not like the other.

Hint: The IV isn't supposed to be there.

So this morning I had a loop recorder put in my chest to watch my heart rate. The procedure went well.
I was super impressed by the pre-op team. One nurse in particular was really good- she was all about people checking my ID band and made sure the antibiotics got started on time. The PACU, not so much. Somehow the IV never got removed before I was discharged. They called 2 hours later to see if the IV was still in my arm. It is.

If I were to ask the why questions:

- why was the IV left in?
Because the patient was dressed and we didn't see it
- why was the pt dressed?
Because they were d/c quickly
- why was the pt d/c quickly?
Because they were freaking out
- why was the pt freaking out?
Because the drugs used weren't right and they were alone

This ain't so bad.

This ain't so bad.

Drugs:

- why weren't the drugs not right?
Because we didn't know the last time the pt had surgery she got anxious
- why didnt we know that?
because the patient didn't realize there was a correlation.
- Why didn't we fix the drugs?
Because their oxygen was low
-why was the oxygen low?
Because the drugs weren't right
-why didn't we fix the drugs?
we cant dc people if we give them more drugs
- why did they have to be dc?
Because they were anxious... And we needed the bed.

Friend:

- why wasn't the friend there?
Because we didn't call them
- why didn't we call them?
We didn't know we had to
- why didn't we know we had to
We didn't notice the note on the chart

Pretty sure a checklist would have fixed this problem.

IMG_2050

So it finally happened. I passed out at work. On my way back from a seminar in the Switzer building I passed out. When I came to, Farzad Mostashari was checking my pulse. I remember looking up at his bow tie and kinda freaking out (It's an awesome bow tie and all, but he's kinda a big deal...). Then he was yelling my medical history across the parking lot at HHS. To I guess, the rest of his people, I think they're pretty much all doctors. Such a dignified moment for me.

Anyways, as this was the first time this happened at work, people pretty much insisted that I go to the hospital. Considering there were at least 10 doctors standing around, I figured they must be right (and if not, best to peace out ASAP!). ]I got a room in the ER where they did a standard workup. It checked out (as always). After about 4 hours I got moved to the hall. Sat there for a few hours. All of the sudden I get told that I have a visitor. I was expecting my "multiple delegates" from school, but not Wil and Sachin. For all their suits and hard work, those ONC guys are good people.

At this point I had been admitted and was waiting for a room. Just after Wil and Sachin left, some guy called me a "cracker ass ho" and let me know there was no possible way I could actually have health problems. He was laying on a gurney not even a foot from me and making my head hurt like hell since I had smacked it a few times since getting to the ER. It was at this point, Phil, Karen, and Matt came to visit and brought me a Happy Meal (best friends ever!). I remember hugging Matt and not wanting to let go. I wanted someone, anyone to hold on to.

Eventually my head hurt so bad that I left a note on my bed and found an empty waiting room and just sat for a minute. Unfortunately a resident found me. Apparently I wasn't supposed to be out of bed or off the monitor. But my head hurt so much and the guy yelling was just making it worse. Plus, the monitor was out of batteries and wasn't recording anything anyways.

IMG_2050

Upon making it back to the ER (we're at hour 12 here...), the resident put me in another room. Finally quiet. Five minutes later my bed was ready. Guess that just goes to show that when you give up, you get what you were waiting for.

Anyways, got my telemetry bed at 2Am. Finally got to sleep. Then rounding at 6. At 10 we had the cardiology teaching contingent. All 5,000 of them. So stressful to have all of these people in my room. The head pontificated saying there was nothing he could do.

I immediately lost it. I could have gone home the day before. Hours and hours of my life were wasted. I was yelled at. My head hurt. My friends could have taken me home hours before. I could have been home, asleep. But instead I had been convinced that someone was going to help me.

So I left. Unfortunately I didn't make it far. I made it to the exit and ended up half conscious on the stairs exiting the hospital. They called rapid response and took me back to my room. I remember the cleaning lady saying my bed wasn't clean, but they told her it was mine. I definitely wasn't being logical. It's weird that whole occurrence seems like a dream, as if I were under water for the whole thing.

An hour later I called Phil. I was so broken down I was crying, begging him to come get me. I didn't want to be there. Two hours later the neurology guys came to see me and seemed to have a remedy for what ailed me (had I known they were coming I wouldn't have checked myself out -- communication FAIL!).

Karen and Phil came to get me about 2PM. I wanted to go to school. They vetoed that idea (mom and dad are smart!). I had energy for about five minutes while Phil made sure that I got paper copies of my neurology session. Once I was back in my bed I started to crash. Transport got me to the lobby and had to leave before Phil got his car around. By the time they got me in the backseat, I was half conscious again.

I remember Phil and Karen getting Chinese food. They tried to feed me but I wasn't hungry. Then they took me home. My body wouldn't keep a temperature. First I was hot. then I was cold. They were worried. For the life of me, can't figure out why I got discharged. Phil wanted to check me back in, but eventually it was all good again.

No solutions, just a wasted night. But, hey, at least I had my people.

OskiCalCard

[[ No, it won't always go the way it should, but I know the heart of life is good -- JM ]]

Some amazing things have been happening. No, I didn’t get into grad school (one can hope….), but I did get a huge opportunity to create a public health reporting system for TLH. I get figure out what holes are missing in the statistical correlations between HIV/AIDS and STD's and create supplemental questionnaires about behaviors which might effect the results. I’m so excited.

[[ Thank you for making me struggle, Tell me the world ain't mine -- I'm a miracle baby -- I refuse to lose -- Tell me what do you see when you look at me -- On a mission to be what I'm destined to be – M/TI ]]

Secondly, I became a site administrator for sfhomeless.net, a totally awesome wiki targeted at players in the homeless community

[[ Give me your eyes for just one second -- Give me your eyes so I can see -- Everything that I keep missing -- Give me your love for humanity -- Give me your arms for the broken hearted -- Ones that are far beyond my reach -- Give me your heart for the ones forgotten -- Give me your eyes so I can see -- BH ]]

Ok and finally… I Ran. On the verge of becoming trite, "I can’t believe it." I ran an 11.5 minute mile today. I haven’t run a mile since, well, yesterday (15 mins), but before that I haven’t run in probably a year. I couldn’t believe I didn’t pass out! I finally feel like I’m getting control of my life. This week I grew up. No, really. For the first time in my life, I knew, on my own, when I couldn’t handle that whole fainting thing and I actually asked for help from a qualified medical professionals (ie the emergency room). Not only that, when they brushed me off, I went back and got hyphy with them. And it got results. It was completely unprecedented by my previous actions and for that I am amazed with myself. I wasn’t independent and at the same time I was my own advocate. Seriously people, be amazed.

[[ No more stress, now I'm straight -- Now I get it now I take -- Time to think, Before I make mistakes -- That part of me left yesterday -- The heart of me is strong today -- No regrets I'm blessed to say -- The old me dead and gone away -- TI/JT ]]

Untitled

I feel the need to address some simple matters of safety. So it's not so much that you're doing it wrong, as, well, you're doing it wrong.

Now don't get me wrong, I appreciate all you guys do for me, it's above and beyond what most friends ever have to do and I'm really blessed to have you all.

But while I love you, I'd also love it if we could streamline this passing out business. (more…)

calstanford

As always, I never cease to freak doctors out. When I was at Stanfurd this past week, I had the misfortune of passing out as I left cardiology. After passing out I, of course, tried to escape and consequently hit my head on a tree. Then THIRTY doctors RAN at me. With a crash cart. In the rain. It was ridiculous—I think all the interns wanted me to die. You should have seen how crestfallen they were when I didn’t have to be shocked. (more…)

samhat

I’ve finally killed Pop-Teal, Concrete Diver.

The sign reads "Call, Don't Fall"

Correction:

I’ve finally lost the “concrete diver” part of the moniker.

Having to take a defibrulator everywhere with you is kinda stressful...
As most of you know, last Friday’s visit to the Emergency led to a full week in the Cardiac ICU. It was grand fun. While I was there I got chased down by nurses, went through four roommates, heard eight code blues, got kissed by a Berkeley emeriti, and picked up an orderly. Good times.
Note the boxes. They hellof abused me!
Frank was a pretty cool friend 🙂
I was tested to the EXTREME—we had constant monitors, echos, ekgs, CTs, blood, a few hot doctors and a few ugly ones, and finally the tilt-test. The tilt test is what kept me there for EVER, and all I know is it was a success- my HR jumped so high they decided that shocking my ass back to life was a bad idea, skipped the end, and went straight to diagnosis.
That's my heart-- how awesome is that?!?!
Apparently I have Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome-- I’m a POT. Basically, my heart rate jumps from a nice, normal 60 BPM, to something like, oh, 190+ when I stand up. This is where all that insane energy comes from, if I’m not using energy, I’m dead. My life suddenly makes sense.
I tell you, abused!
So no, I am not Amy Winehouse, though the quote concerning her from WWTDD is still appropriate: “When you’re 2{1}-years-old, and you’re in the hospital this often, and you’re not a cage fighter or black market mercenary, something is up. You should get arrested just for that.” We're gonna hope that the drugs will make this a little less accurate...
My room with a view-- you could see the sunset over the bay from it!
A special thanks to my loves for coming to visit me and bring me food and basically making a week in the hospital possible. Really, I couldn’t have done it without you.

Untitled

Update -- April 29th 2012 -- I wrote this list of my "adventures" just before I got POTS diagnosed for the first time. At this point I didn't know what I had or why I was falling over. I wanted to laugh it off, ignore it and just be alive. It ended up not working out like that - about a week later I finally faced what was wrong with me. But I think this list explains why I earned the moniker suffix "Concrete Diver." As to Pop Teal, well, all you need to know is Vegas was involved.

So last night I passed out in some BART stations. While most people thought I was methed up, I was just experiencing some good old fashioned syncope. Matty was comparing this adventure to the Harry Potter adventure and wondering what was worse. In that spirit I’ve made a list of the top most embarrassing (and/or exciting) adventures in my world...

1. The Harry Potter Screening. July 2007. People hated me so much for passing out in 110 degree heat that I ended up with internet hate mail. The hate forum (which seemed more malicious in my imagination) can be found here: http://forum.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=messageboard.viewThread&groupID=0&page=8&EntryID=436876&CategoryID=0&get=1&adTopicId=0&type=friendForum&friendID=107888674&lastpagesent=9&Mytoken=37BED4CB-629C-4674-ACD1EC2C2C9B9ABA2930717

2. The time a professor ended up in my bedroom. May 2008. As it was the second time I had passed out in his presence (though this time I wasn’t even in his class, I was just walking around outside. I think he was stalking me) we skipped the Ambulance and Fire Trucks (after all last time I yelled at them and ended up in a police car) and went straight for feeding me a whole bag of Peanut Butter cups and Gooey Powerbar gel, and, oh yeah, taking me home.

3. The time I punched an EMT. January 2006. As they were trying to force me to go to the hospital, I didn’t want to go. I think I also tried to get out of the ambulance and was restrained. I know, ridiculous- but dude, that ambulance ride is expensive!

4. The MCB midterm. November 2006. Some GSI got medical equipment from a lab before the EMS people got there to take my BP and the prof wanted to have people look at me as an example of real medical emergency. I wanted to die of embarrassment; I opted for the ambulance ride just to get out of there quicker!

5. The Cop who wanted to drunk tank me. May 2008. So alcohol can make Jessica sick. Even a little bit. So being being way under the legal limit doesn’t mean much when your body freaks out, or when some guy has spilled a whole beer on you and you reek of homlessness...

6. The time a professor wanted to be my medical advocate. April 2008. It obviously required three GSI’s, a professor, a guy I knew, and two I didn’t to make sure I was ok after being "special". Then the professor wanted to give me legal advice because he’s a lawyer and call my parents to make my life “easier.” Also, he convinced me that I had totally and completely forgotten about office hours that I hadn’t signed up for. I thought I was having blackouts. That undue stress alone should have got me better grade in that class!

Honorable Mention (date is beyond legal limit): My introduction to high school. August 2000. Hi, I'm Jessica. I'm going to start school here. I'm an insecure adolescent who wants to make friends with the cool kids and be a cheerleader. ****, I just passed out. What an impression! No wonder I became a nerd and went to Cal.

I’m sure there’s other gems. Like that one time I ended up in a kids dorm room while he told me to act less drunk so he didn’t get in trouble for rufieing some girl, but really, those stand out as the top five (err six) adventures of “pop teal, the concrete diver.”

Also, thanks to all my friends, you know how it is to get a call and me go "can you bring me some french fries? I need a salt lick. Like a deer...