Update -- April 29th 2012 -- I wrote this list of my "adventures" just before I got POTS diagnosed for the first time. At this point I didn't know what I had or why I was falling over. I wanted to laugh it off, ignore it and just be alive. It ended up not working out like that - about a week later I finally faced what was wrong with me. But I think this list explains why I earned the moniker suffix "Concrete Diver." As to Pop Teal, well, all you need to know is Vegas was involved.
So last night I passed out in some BART stations. While most people thought I was methed up, I was just experiencing some good old fashioned syncope. Matty was comparing this adventure to the Harry Potter adventure and wondering what was worse. In that spirit I’ve made a list of the top most embarrassing (and/or exciting) adventures in my world...
1. The Harry Potter Screening. July 2007. People hated me so much for passing out in 110 degree heat that I ended up with internet hate mail. The hate forum (which seemed more malicious in my imagination) can be found here: http://forum.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=messageboard.viewThread&groupID=0&page=8&EntryID=436876&CategoryID=0&get=1&adTopicId=0&type=friendForum&friendID=107888674&lastpagesent=9&Mytoken=37BED4CB-629C-4674-ACD1EC2C2C9B9ABA2930717
2. The time a professor ended up in my bedroom. May 2008. As it was the second time I had passed out in his presence (though this time I wasn’t even in his class, I was just walking around outside. I think he was stalking me) we skipped the Ambulance and Fire Trucks (after all last time I yelled at them and ended up in a police car) and went straight for feeding me a whole bag of Peanut Butter cups and Gooey Powerbar gel, and, oh yeah, taking me home.
3. The time I punched an EMT. January 2006. As they were trying to force me to go to the hospital, I didn’t want to go. I think I also tried to get out of the ambulance and was restrained. I know, ridiculous- but dude, that ambulance ride is expensive!
4. The MCB midterm. November 2006. Some GSI got medical equipment from a lab before the EMS people got there to take my BP and the prof wanted to have people look at me as an example of real medical emergency. I wanted to die of embarrassment; I opted for the ambulance ride just to get out of there quicker!
5. The Cop who wanted to drunk tank me. May 2008. So alcohol can make Jessica sick. Even a little bit. So being being way under the legal limit doesn’t mean much when your body freaks out, or when some guy has spilled a whole beer on you and you reek of homlessness...
6. The time a professor wanted to be my medical advocate. April 2008. It obviously required three GSI’s, a professor, a guy I knew, and two I didn’t to make sure I was ok after being "special". Then the professor wanted to give me legal advice because he’s a lawyer and call my parents to make my life “easier.” Also, he convinced me that I had totally and completely forgotten about office hours that I hadn’t signed up for. I thought I was having blackouts. That undue stress alone should have got me better grade in that class!
Honorable Mention (date is beyond legal limit): My introduction to high school. August 2000. Hi, I'm Jessica. I'm going to start school here. I'm an insecure adolescent who wants to make friends with the cool kids and be a cheerleader. ****, I just passed out. What an impression! No wonder I became a nerd and went to Cal.
I’m sure there’s other gems. Like that one time I ended up in a kids dorm room while he told me to act less drunk so he didn’t get in trouble for rufieing some girl, but really, those stand out as the top five (err six) adventures of “pop teal, the concrete diver.”
Also, thanks to all my friends, you know how it is to get a call and me go "can you bring me some french fries? I need a salt lick. Like a deer...